Becoming Convinced

I have scoured those questionnaires before, trying to evaluate whether my eldest has ADHD or is he just rambunctious, or do his parents practice lazy parenting, or is there some other issue? All those questions are so subjective...

Does he have trouble enjoying leisure activities quietly?

Does he talk excessively?

Does he have trouble waiting for his turn?

I mean, geez, he is a five year old boy!! And he's my first child, so its hard to compare him to your average Joe Kindergarten, if you don't know what average kindergartners generally act like, you know? What is talking excessively for a five year old? How much trouble do five year old's generally have waiting their turn? Michael and I find ourselves answering some of these questions differently on different days.

I checked out a few ADHD books from the library to read more about the diagnosis, the drug controversies, and to see whether he might have something else entirely, or is he just FIVE!? Something in the book lead me to a website, that lead to another, and I stumbled on this pack of CDs training folks to better parent kids with ADHD. I would not buy these CDs (they cost $350!), but they had a list of symptoms there that were quiet different than your average list. More specific. Less subjective. While a fraction of the list of symptoms over there did not apply to Noah, most all of them were like a blueprint totally describing my child! This is my boy:

Do you know why your child:
Has a big heart, but sabotages friendships?

Controls others, is bossy and needs to enforce “fairness”?

Relates well to adults and younger children, but struggles with peers?

Melts down over changes, disappointments and little things?

Is disorganized, forgetful and impulsive?

Appears unmotivated and underperforms academically?

Constantly makes noises?

Plays video games for hours, but can’t focus on work for 10 minutes?

Is afraid of being alone or the dark, and insists you lie down at bedtime?

Procrastinates with homework, but hyper-focuses on personal projects?

Needs you to be close or have your undivided attention?

Appears not to be listening, but remembers what you say weeks later?

Says, “I’m bored!” or "I'm stupid" often?

Eats the same food routinely?

Gets angry or impatient when you talk too much or lecture?

Can be extremely funny, but also pensive and moody?

Oh my god... If this was the Connor's Scale for ADHD, my son would score nearly 100% And these are not the usual symptoms you hear about. He CANNOT be alone, even in the bathroom, he calls himself "stupid" when angry, he CONSTANTLY makes verbal noises (although doesn't move his body so much) and the thing about getting along with older and younger folks but not kids his age is true as well. In fact, all of the above are true. I removed the 2.5 or so that did not apply.

Then, the other night, I got a call from his teacher. She is feeling overwhelmed with him, and says he is barely learning anything and is disrupting the classroom. I know everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, but she doesn't seem to be able to cope with and wrangle him as well as his kindergarten teacher does (although I know he is testing her limits these first couple weeks).

When asked whether she felt he might have ADHD or not, she said she wasn't a doctor but that she had a mother of a boy she had taught a couple years ago come up to her recently, crying, saying she had finally put her son on medication and it made all the difference. So, it seems while she is not willing to give us a "yes, I think he has it", she is fine with suggesting medicating him.

I feel on the fence... I don't want to drug my kid unnecessarily, giving him amphetamines throughout his entire childhood, but I also don't want to deprive him of his ability to listen and learn (and allow others to learn) through most of his formative years, while I sit back and wonder if meds are the right thing or not.

For now, we are going to begin a new behavior modification regimen, and probably go see a behavior modification specialist that was recommended to us.

You know... sit on the fence a little longer trying to see which side is greener.