(taking a deep breath)
I have this child, see. He is almost two and doesn't talk much, so he isn't the best communicator on God's green earth. And when its time to take a nap, he climbs the stairs, giving me little kisses through the railing and plops giggling into his crib with more kisses, his lambie and two matchbox cars, no more, no less.
And he sleeps. He sleeps well. Out of my three boys, he is the bestest of sleepers.
When said nap is done, and he begins to wake, he calls out, "Daddy!!...DADDY!!!"
(yes, he still calls me Daddy!)
So, I go up there to get him.
He just cheerfully calls, I open the door, and he bursts into tears (sometimes without even seeing me, his face in his pillow) and starts shaking his head, "no" like I am Nurse Ratched coming with the giant hypodermic needle.
I try to pick him up and he starts bucking like a bronco, and bawling. If I walk out of the room and leave him in the bed he cries harder and starts calling again. If I just stand beside him in the bed, he cries more quietly and just shakes his head back and forth.
Eventually, I pick him up anyway, because I usually have his twin brother wandering the downstairs all alone which is never wise. At this point he will start thrashing about until I can barely hold him. If I put him on the floor, he begs to be picked up. If I put him back in the crib, he acts like it was the cruelest thing I have ever done. If I try to sit with him in the rocking chair he freaks out completely.
So, I clutch his head close to my chest to prevent sudden bucking and banging of heads on the way through the doorframe and down the narrow hallway. I clutch him tight on the way down the stairs because then he goes REALLY crazy.
Once he realizes he is downstairs and has lost his battle for whatever it was he wanted or didn't want, he just wants to be held, but will be angry and cry and be completely inconsolable for about 45 minutes. Even if I try to hand him things he wants but usually isn't allowed to touch, he will just throw them on the floor.
He doesn't talk, so I ask him questions...
"Do you want to go night night?" He shakes his head "No."
"Do you want your pillow?" "No."
"Do you want a car?" "No."
"Do you want Lambie?" "No."
"Do you want to go back upstairs?" "No."
"Do you want a cookie?" "No."
"Do you want to watch a video?" "No."
"Do you want to make your mother run screaming through the house, tearing out her hair?????" He looks at me quizzically than shakes his head, "No."
And then he bursts into tears for another half hour.
I try to change the scenario. Sometimes I get him right away, sometimes I make him wait for quite awhile, but he keeps calling. I have tried not picking him up for 10 minutes after coming in the door, but he still lays there and bawls. I have tried various methods but it always turns out the same way.
Can someone tell me WHAT MY CHILD WANTS ME TO DO??
Okay... I am off to go chant some mantras or do some whiskey shots or something.