Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Let The Brainwashing Begin!!

I had the talk with Noah.

Oh NO!!

No, no, no… not THAT talk!

I mean the one you have with four-year-old-about-to-turn-five. The one this time of year… the SANTA talk! I had the Santa talk with Noah.

He went off with Cooper yesterday for Cooper’s birthday celebration at Build-a-Bear. He and Cooper, and Cooper’s little brother got to pick out a stuffed animal, have it stuffed, put a little heart in it, dress it up and give it a name. After the hoopla, they walked through the mall, and although it’s not even yet THANKSGIVING, there was Santa Claus, sitting around waiting for someone, anyone, to come talk to him.

So Cooper’s mom took the boys over for a little chat.

Nobody really wanted to sit on the guy’s lap, but they were happy to talk with him about what they wanted for Christmas, how they were being good boys this year, etc. Santa asked them if they were doing well at sharing, told them they needed to learn to work together, and told him that he was going to keep an eye on them for the rest of the year because he hadn’t decided which list to put them on yet, the Good Boy List, or, you know… that OTHER list!

So, during tuck-ins that night, I lay beside Noah in the dark and he begins with the questions…

“Mom… was that the real Santa Claus?”

“Oh, um… well… what did he look like?”

“Like Santa Claus”

“Well, did he have a real beard, or was it a costume beard?”

“I think it was a real beard.”

“Did he have a jolly round belly, or did it feel like he had pillows under his coat?”

“I think it was real… he wasn’t really big. He was like, PLUMP!”

“And did he look like a grandpa, or did he look like a younger guy, like Daddy?”

“He was kinda grampa-ish. Was that man the real Santa Claus?”

“Hmmmm… well, they say that Santa can do some pretty great magic, but I don’t think he has time to go to ALL the malls and talk to ALL the children. Some people say that he can split up into different people to get the job done, and other people say that he has helpers, who dress up like him, find out what the kids want, and then they go and tell Santa.”

Yeah, I was makin’ all that up during the rapid fire questioning… I have amazing mental acrobatic skills.

“So, was that man the real Santa Claus?”

“Well, if you think the beard was real, and his plumpness was real, and he looked like a grandpa and he was kind… you know, honey? I think maybe that just might have been the real Santa Claus. It sounds to me like you guys got lucky and picked the right mall!


“Yeah, I know!”
(crickets chirping. I must have made it through...)

“Mom, I have to work really extra hard to get on the good list. Or I might not get any Moon Sand. Can Santa Claus fly?”

“I don’t think he can fly, but he has 12 reindeer that can fly, and a flying sleigh! Yeah… and you know, I think he would land right on that part of the roof right outside your window because that’s where the chimney is!”

“Whoa. Right there? How does he get down the chimney if he’s… you know, plump?”

He loves the word plump, and uses it whenever possible. It makes him giggle.

“Oh, well, you know…”


“Well, um… you see… well, no one really knows for sure because he won’t come to your house unless EVERYONE is asleep, so no one has ever really seen it! But some people think he can turn into a whisp of smoke, and shoot down the chimney, and then POOF! Into your living room!”

I make a mental note to possibly remove the baby gate we stretched across our fireplace opening to prevent Luka from climbing to the roof.


“Yeah, I know.”

“How does he get into your house if you don’t have a chimney?”

Oh, I was so unprepared for the talk! Why did I mention the damned chimney? Less is More... Less is More... There should be books on this, so that everyone knows what to say without stammering when the time comes!! But then it came to me!

“Oh, with his magic key, of course! It lets him into the front door of every home!”

“Whoa. Mom, I am going to have to work really extra hard to get on the good list. Or I might not get any Moon Sand.”

“Yeah, you said that.”

“Yeah. I don’t want no rock of coal.”

“I don’t want any…”

“I don’t want any rock of coal.”



“Nothin’. Goodnight, Sweetie.”

“’Night, Mom.”

Oh, that in the picture there? That is the new awesome shirt I won for Noah from a nifty blog called Memarie Lane! It was made by the generous folks over at Trendy Tadpole, and they have lots of funny stuff! Buy large, though... that's a size 6T on Noah!


Willowtree said...

That Noah is a good looking kid! I can't remember when the Santa Claus myth was busted for me, but then I don't remember being too traumatised by it either.

Snowbird said...

Better you than me having to give THE talk. I wish I could have been hiding in the closet to hear it though. Cute! Oh, and I LOVE the picture. You and Michael do make beautiful children. Of course, I might be a wee bit biased.

JeSais said...

I want some moon sand too!!!

Katrina Stonoff said...

Moonand. *shudder* My kids want it too, and I do NOT want to go there!

Oh, and if Santa turns into a puff of smoke? He could get through the baby gate, easy peasy!

Gumby said...

um... not to be judgemental, but Santa only has 8 reindeer, plus Rudolph. But Rudolph doesn't count, what with him being in and out of rehab all of the time.